Celebrating My Days of Boyhood

I began this Boyhood Journey nearly one week ago. Inspired by Dylan Mulvaney who is literally everywhere, even on beer cans, I created a journey of my own.

Surely if Dylan can earn one million dollars from these brands as a woman, wouldn’t the same brands be eager to extend a partnership in the reverse situation?

  • Aritzia
  • CeraVe
  • Crest
  • Haus Labs
  • Instacart
  • K18 Hair
  • Kate Spade
  • KIND Snacks
  • KitchenAid
  • Ole Henriksen
  • Rent the Runway
  • Ulta Beauty
  • Tampax
  • Nike Woman
  • Budlight

Sick of being a woman and exhausted by the demands placed upon me daily from being thin, pretty, smart, and having it all together, I decided to identify as a male.

For over a year, I have been looking for a writing job but had zero luck. Is it because I’m a woman? Am I not edgy enough? Is it because I’m middle-aged?

Trying to answer these questions landed me in my current DAYS OF BOYHOOD. If I identify as a young man, shouldn’t there be endless job opportunities? It’s a fact that men are hired more than women. And if I identified as a younger man, my odds should be boosted even higher.

With a new identity in place, I sent my kids to live with their father and his boyfriend and bought an entire arsenal of guy-related stuff.

In my new Guy Closet, I have new power tools, Axe body sprays, an entire set of Jackass DVDs, lawn care products, new electronics, aftershave, an electric razor for my beard hair, Liquid Ass spray for practical jokes, Doritos because men like junk food, jock straps, athlete’s foot powder, sports stuff including baseball cards and a football helmet. I also purchased something called “snuff” because my brother-in-law said I needed it to become a real man.

With my new identity and gender firmly in place, I am going to sit back and let the sponsorship offers pour in like a waterfall of cash.

Soon, I will have Days of Boyhood merch, that’s what the kids call merchandise these days, and you will be able to buy my memoir about growing up as a girl and then doing an about-face into boyhood.

Outside my home, you will find a trans flag proudly blowing in the wind. Our HOA made me remove my oversized Pride flag, but no one can take away my boyhood. Now excuse me while I sit by my phone and wait for BudLight to call.

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Disney Princesses Will Be Trans and Other Changes

Finally! Disney has listened to us, and they are remaking several movies with TRANS PRINCESSES and DRAG QUEENS. Slay, Disney!

No longer will the females be strictly girls. They will be women+ which means they have something extra. This is exciting for 98% of America, leaving out the 2% of MAGA extremists who hate everything.

In every single film, from Sleeping Beauty (we all agree she was roofied, right?) to Snow White, we will see huge changes including asking for consent before any kissing takes place.

Snow White will be Snow BLACK and instead of 7 Dwarfs, she will live with 7 Ukrainian Little People with disabilities. It’s called inclusion.

Other changes include, but are not limited to:

Mary Poppins as a Drag Queen

Little Merperson, instead of Little Mermaid

Sex Toy Story, updated Toy Story

Zootopia 2 will introduce Zoo Sexuals

Disney will create new characters introducing the World of Drag, transitioning, puberty blockers, and the kid’s film, India Jones and the Case for Bottom Surgery.

Around the World in 80 Days will address climate change with Around The World in an Electric Car featuring a robotic Greta Thunberg

An animated film about Jeffrey Marsh is in pre-development

At this writing, we hear Disney will sell chest binders and tucking tools with beloved characters’ faces on them.

Dr. Chlamydia DeSantis, PhD,
Gender Specialist and Lead Animator

Dr. Chlamydia DeSantis, lead animator, and Disney gender specialist notes, “Disney is very excited to move into this new era. We plan on having transwoman Dylan Mulvaney voice at least fifty percent of all movies made since folx cannot get enough of her. America’s sweetheart, Joy Behar will also voice several characters.

It thrills us to make these changes and update patriarchal, toxic films from years past. We hope to create a movie-going experience that will embrace diversity and inclusion.”

The New, More Woke Top Country Songs of All Time

Country music is pretty bad, I don’t listen to it because it’s a tool of the right-wing patriarchy to keep men shooting guns and women drinking in the kitchen, but steps are being made to be more inclusive.

Things are changing in that industry and we have drag queens to thank!

I wouldn’t know this country singer, Kelsea Ballerini if I fell over her at a wig shop, but here she is performing with drag queens at the CMT Music Awards. This stands for Country Music Transgender Awards.

It’s going to be fun when boring, old songs get a new woke makeover.

Let me know if you recognize these newly revamped hits.

I Wear a Wig by Johnny Cash

American Drag Queen Association by Girth Brooks

I Hope You Tuck by Lee Ann Womack

Twerkin’ After Midnight by Patsy Cline

Man, I Feel Like a TransWoman by Shania Twain

Before He Transitions by Carrie Underwood

If Faeself Had a Boat by Lye Lovett

Save a Horse, Ride a Tranny by Wig and Rich

The biggest tropes in country music are drinking beer and whiskey, living in the South, being in the military, riding both horses and tractors, American flags, farming, line dancing, and watching Fox News.

What a wonderful step forward when those twangy chords will underscore twerking, Pride flags, acceptance, wig selection, choreography, gyrations in elementary schools, heavy makeup and false eyelashes, balancing in thigh-high PVC boots, latex breasts, not to mention tucking, binding and watching Rachel Maddow.

Those are things that most folks can relate to and in my humble opinion, this new direction will bring in hoards of new fans!

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Five Partnerships for Dylan Mulvaney

In a world filled with male-dominated products and companies (UGH), I speak for all when I say let’s bring some non-binary beauty to traditionally men-centered products and groups.

And who better to represent motor oil than the It-Girl, Dylan Mulvaney!

Seeing this photo, I am inspired to go out and buy Pennzoil. Who isn’t? This is powerful. I’d love to see a mechanic in pink feathers.

Motor oil and transfolks go together like country music and gender neutrality.

US Military! Wouldn’t you feel more comfortable with folx like Dylan on the battlefield?

I know her effervescent personality would bring much-needed joy to soldiers of every gender.

How many times have you wished that Home Depot was trans-friendly? No worries! Dylan is the newest face of the hardware and lumber company.

I look forward to shopping the newest aisles, wink wink.

Who better than Dylan to be the new face of the International Association of Oil & Gas Producers? This has long been dominated by males. Look how dirty those men are in their orange coveralls? I want elegance in this field!

She is the new face for Jack Daniels Whiskey bringing to the old, patriarchal beverage a Hello Kitty-esque exuberance to revitalize the brand.

I’d love to hear your comments and thoughts. Find me over on Twitter!


Spread JOY!

Eloise is a fictional six-year-old girl who lives at the fancy New York City hotel, The Plaza. The series of books, written in the 1950s, features Eloise and all of her antics within the hotel along with her dog Weenie.

Recently the now famous transgender woman, 26-year-old Dylan Mulvaney, dressed as young Eloise and it was adorable!

I can think of nothing more joyful that a grownup pretending to be a child complete with kneesocks.

Acting as Eloise, Dylan lip-syncs along with the narration from the film of Eloise.

“I’m Eloise. I am six. I’m a city child. I live at the Plaza Hotel, which is huge and wonderful, and très élégant, especially at Christmastime.” 

Take a look here!

This is the sweetest, most beautiful, and happiest thing I have seen in a long time. It’s such a shame that as adults, we lose that childlike wonder!

If you haven’t seen Dylan’s transformation from an actor/singer to a girl, check out the Days of Girlhood series which chronicles every day of this past year when Dylan becomes a woman.

Biden Shocked to Learn Covid (Allegedly) Came From China

As many of us know, the dreaded and famous virus, Covid, came from an infected bat at a wet market.

As the story goes, a young couple was enjoying a steaming bowl of bat soup and then later presented cold-like symptoms at the Wuhan Hospital Emergency Room.

Soon after, the male flew around Europe for work, making his way to a symposium at Harvard University and by then, his casual interactions caused the viral particles to spread quicker than gossip.

Unfortunately, the virus grew worldwide. Through social distancing, arrows on supermarket floors, triple masking, and copious amounts of hand sanitizer, the virus was contained nearly three years after the wet market bat soup.

When asked about the virus coming from China, President Joe Biden said, “What?” and when pressed further about the origins of the virus, he laughed. Dropping his voice, Biden whispered, “Get vaccinated”

We couldn’t have said it better ourselves.

One of his spokespeople further clarified, “The president believes that the virus originated organically through a market. He doesn’t believe it came from the Wuhan Center for Virus Exploration.

He doesn’t believe in the gain of function and refuses to believe that Dr. Fauci, a recipient of the Presidential Medal of Freedom, would dabble in the gain of function research knowing the dangers it presented.”

When asked for a comment, Vice President Kamala Harris looking wistful, noted, “It is time for us to do what we have been doing. And that time is every day. Every day it is time for us to be unburdened by what is, looking to what was, and looking forward to what may be.”

We hope someday to learn the origins of this virus so that we don’t ever repeat the pandemic again or at least the WEF decides it wants to shut the world.

Skeletal Remains Are Found, Gender Is Unclear

Archaeologists have unearthed the remains of two Roman aristocrats in England recently. The bodies are thought to be over 1000 years old and were found in a lead coffin with flowers carved into the top and along the sides.

A team of archaeologists discovered the remains after a developer cleared the land in order to build a new shopping center.

Dr. Desmond Cloutchester, NonBinary Remains Specialist notes, “These folx got a surprise when they dug up the land. They called in specialists to analyze the remains, knowing they had stumbled upon something special.”

Dr, Desmond Cloutchester, NonBinary Remains Specialist

Continues Dr. Cloutchester, “We got a real surprise having concluded they had dug remains up all remains in previous years. While the bones show the people were smaller in stature with narrow pelvises, we just can’t label it with gender. These could be two men, two women, or what I have surmised is two folks who were gender fluid which was very popular in early times.”

The group of archeologists discovered personal artifacts such as mirrors, pottery, knives, and jewelry.

“This gives us strong indications that the skeletal remains were most like nonbinary folks who didn’t identify as male or female,” notes Dr. Cloutchester.

Through advanced technology, DNA exploration, and carbon dating, Dr. Cloutchester’s team put together a rendering of what the facial structure of the remains looked like, see above.

We will have more information at a later date as the remains will undergo more elaborate testing which may take up to one year.

Don’t Be Fooled by High-Heels DeSantis

Dr. Judy McGrath Forrester-DuPont (fae/fear) Head of Intersectional Politics for Black and Gay Justice (UC Berkeley) issued a dire warning to those thinking of voting for Ron DeSantis.

Dr. Judy McGrath Forrester-DuPont

Don’t be fooled by the high heels worn by Ronald DeSantis. He has chosen this footwear to lull the LGBTQIAZ2S+ group into complacency. He is waiting to unleash a totalitarian regime where heels for men will be forbidden.”

Ron struts around in thigh-high white boots despite blazing Florida temperatures.

“What’s dangerous about this man, “continues Dr. McGrath Forrester-DuPont, “Is that he has legions of fans ready to vote him in as President of the United States. He is planning to take away a woman’s right to wear what she wants. If he has his say, he will force all those identifying as female to dress like the cast of The Handmaiden’s Tale.”

High-Heels DeSantis grabs lunch in heels.

“He will implement all kinds of rules and regulations and before long, we won’t be allowed out of our homes without a man’s permission,” Fae says.

A terrifying picture is beginning to emerge regarding the Florida politician.

Dr. McGrath Forrester-DuPont’s final warning is sobering.

“By choosing to continuously wear footwear with a heel, it’s sending a subconscious message to folx that he is in favor of nonbinary dressing and gender fluidity as a whole. The reality is harsh and troubling. I encourage everyone to wake up before it’s too late.”

Boy Runs Away From Home After Parents Refused to Hire Drag Queen Entertainment

Ten-year-old Evan Gray stormed out of his birthday party when he realized his parents had not hired Drag Queen entertainment.

“It’s not fair!” he was heard screaming as he took off down the street.

Nearly every other child in his fourth-grade class hired Drag Queen entertainment for their birthday parties leaving poor Evan in the minority.

“We didn’t think it was appropriate,” said Evan’s mother, aptly named Karen and mostly likely a MAGA Republican extremist. She did not offer neo-pronouns.

Another parent (fae/faer) commented the festivities were lame without the glitter and glitz of drag queens to liven up the party which included pizza, cake, music, and games.

Fae commented, “Without performers like Spanx Bloom or Balls LaBalls, these things are boring.”

Jaxxynn, Evan’s classmate, wanted everyone to know that drag queen Per Secco would be giving twerk lessons at her party the following weekend. And Amberleighnn, another child at Evan’s party noted, “My parents hired RuPaul’s entire Drag Race to my party.”

A Go-Fund-Me for Evan’s future therapy sessions has been set up, and his pathetic birthday party will no doubt cast a shadow over his entire adulthood.