Let’s take a stroll down memory lane and see Joe Biden’s changing looks!

This is how every serial killer in the 70s styled their hair. No worries, Joe is certainly not on any Most-Wanted Lists, as far as we know.

This is one of the earliest photos of Politician Joe taken in 1972.

Moving through the years into 1987, thinning hair and what looks to be veneers on his teeth. Note the earlobes, they will change.

Joe and young Hunter after Joe survives an aneurysm. Not a ton of changes. Ears are attached. Who knew Hunter had such curls?

This photo is from 1992, he has a crooked smile and dark, thinning hair. Earlobes look more unattached. Do ears change throughout the years?

In this comparison, his ears are different, free-hanging versus attached. But maybe it was just a facelift or perhaps an ear lift.

This looks like the face of someone who has aged somewhat naturally. Eye bags, jowls, and thinning hair, all normal aging.

The current day Joe looks lifted, smooth, and polished with fluffy white hair.

Side by side comparison from when he was VP to President. Is this natural aging or has Joe undergone a series of plastic surgery operations to maintain a youthful appearance?

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Many people have been questioning Joe Biden’s fitness.

What folks don’t understand is that his mental capabilities are beyond what any of us can imagine. He is playing 4-D chess and is always at least ten steps ahead of everyone else.

Do you think he’s feeble and weak? Guess again! That’s just an act to fool people into underestimating him. And then, like a stealthy predator in the jungle, he strikes with the venom of ten thousand snakes.

His latest test shows us just how in shape he is, fitter than a man half his age.

Take a look:

Swam 500 yards in 12 minutes

42 pushups in 2 minutes

6 pull-ups with no rest

1.5 mile run in just under 11 minutes

He also completed one week’s worth of New York Times Wordles in under twenty minutes proving his cognitive abilities are sharp. He then located countries on a map and named all fifty-five states.

Though he walks with a ‘stiff gait,’ this means nothing other than tight hamstrings and a recommendation for orthotics.

His physician noted that Joe is, “fit to successfully execute the duties of the presidency.”

Anyone with two eyes and a working brain can tell that Joe could easily serve two more terms.

With the wonderfully progressive strides made in the military regarding LGBTQ+ folx, I think it’s beyond time to update the old, stagnant Military Alphabet.

These bold, fearless Trans Leaders, pictured below, cannot be happy with having to use male-centric words like, “Mike” and “Papa” not to mention the triggering word, “Yankee.”

Take a look at the non-inclusive and boring alphabet that’s been used for hundreds of years.

*YAWN*

I have created a new, inclusive, and exciting Alphabet for the Woke Military.

Take a look!

I feel confident that these words and this entire alphabet will be implemented in the military in the very near future.

Which words would you add? Let me know!

In an overwhelming request for more LGBTQ+ films, the makers behind The Lord of the Rings franchises plan on remaking the films with all characters identifying as different genders and various sexualities.

Staring with Gollum, his Days of Girlhood transgender journey will take viewers on a ride of experimental discovery as Gollum gets in touch with his long-dormant femininity.

Says the film’s writer, “We know viewers will be thrilled by Gollum finally addressing they’s sexual side and gender identity which until now, has been questioned. Gollum will go on a twenty-eight-day emotional adventure culminating in menstruation which we believe audiences of all ages will love.”

I for one, cannot wait!

How do you feel about this remake?

Gollum: Days of Girlhood is expected to hit theaters in Winter, 2023.

The Biden administration has revised its suggested Food Pyramid in an effort to de-stigmatize “fat” and “plus-sized” persons while simultaneously promoting the consumption of high-fat foods that contribute to weight gain.

A Biden spokeswoman emphasized the significance of everyone being the same size. To fight the widespread fat phobia afflicting the world, we are urging all Americans to embrace high-fat meals.

“Meat consumption is terrible for the world and the environment, which is why we don’t include meats or poultry in our new pyramid,” the speaker continues.

Research indicates a steady diet of butter, ice cream, french fries, bread, and donuts plus a small serving of fruit for fiber will help everyone achieve longevity. This type of diet will also help with sleep.

The oils and grease have proven to lubricate the digestive system eliminating stomach disorders like IBS and constipation.

Children attending public school will be encouraged to take the food pyramid home to caregivers and implement the guide.

Quaker Oats company has finally brought the beloved (though he’s white) Cap’n Crunch into the current year with a complete makeover including a chunky white belt and platform boots.

He’s identifying as a Ukrainian Captain who is completely woke with his rainbow-beaded necklace and pride flags clutched in each hand.

I applaud the updates to this character and hope more companies follow the Cap’ns lead.

We are pretty sure you’re going to appreciate the new Rice Krispies design too. Cereals have never tasted better or more woke.

WE APPROVE!

That little guy can’t deal. Like literally.

OMG. There is a chill in the air. I feel it where things should not be felt.

All I need is a fucking break and some light. And a seat that’s not made of cinderblocks.

Blah blah blah. Keep talking.

Literally can’t. The social battery has run out.

No. Just no. Also, stop talking.

Five minutes. I just want five minutes to read my guide on how to tighten my corset.

I just…literally can’t. I can’t even. Not for one more minute.

A terrible, crushing thought just popped into my head. After discussing it at length with Literaleigh and Charcuterie, my daughters, we decided it was time to ask the question,

What if the candy had personalities all along and we just weren’t listening?

The green M&M, so brazen and sexy, so daring and charismatic, completely overpowered all of the other sweets, and now it is time to see how they are doing. They being the other, forgotten candies on the shelves.

The happy-go-lucky giant lollipop, out there hoping someone picks him.

The M&Ms aren’t the only ones with sex appeal! This trans chocolate peanut butter treat is smooth and sweet.

Who knows what’s under that wrapper?

The humble chocolate bar, nothing flashy, nothing crazy. Just dependable taste and a satisfying end to urges and cravings.

I certainly hope that we start assigning physical characteristics and personalities to all things.

This is the way forward. I’d like to further this idea by considering how fruit identifies.

I’m sorry for those of you who are diehard Trump fans but the following photographs were found in a manila envelope inside of a cardboard box in Mike’s attic.

A mysterious phone call was placed to the FBI directing them exactly where to go to find these.

Some will say they are photoshopped and fake, and that Donald Trump would never be seen in any of these outfits but Pence’s silence speaks volumes.

Where do I even begin?

Is it the fact that someone held the door open for me and called me “Ma’am” or the TRUMP 2024 bumper sticker I saw in Los Angeles? It could also be the fact that a person assumed my age, gender, and skin color on social media.

I sent my son Ginsburg to school with tampons, just in case, and this is how he came home:

I had to lie down for an hour and do my transgender and racially inclusive chants to calm my heart rate. His dedication to Donald Trump is upsetting on its own merit and now he makes fun of tampons? I CAN’T. I wish I had a Victorian fainting couch because I’d be on it at least ten times a day.

Logging on to Twitter this morning, I saw quite the fanfare over the M&Ms putting a halt to their candy personalities. Growing up, there was a rumor that eating green M&Ms made you horny.

Capitalizing on that abhorrent rumor, the folks over at the candy company made her into a smoldering sex pot.

Take a look:

If you have any other emotion besides indignant disdain, please go read the studies proving this particular candy is to blame for many of today’s societal ills.

She should have looked like this all along:

Why don’t companies reach out to me?

And lastly, I just decided that the Pink Floyd rainbow is offensive.

Was this created to pay homage to the LGBTQ2SU+ group? If not then it must be removed at once.

And do we even need to discuss Harry Potter? Once again, author JK Rowling is in the news, trending for what I can only imagine is some kind of transphobic tweet or comment about there only being two genders.

I have created a large bonfire to burn every Harry Potter book I can find, plus a Daniel Radcliffe poster I found randomly at a store in 2007.

I am also feeling quite triggered by the song Natural Woman, as my friends have told me how hurtful this song is to them as transfolks. There will be a petition launched to remove this from Spotify immediately.

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