Today’s News

In a new study, it was revealed that composer Ludwig van Beethoven died from liver failure.

This conclusion came from extensive studies involving DNA. His heavy alcohol consumption, besides other issues, lead to his death by cirrhosis in 1827.

Ludwig died at age 56 in 1827.

A Netflix adaptation of his life is in the works.

Genderless Theybies. It’s a thing!

Nothing is more exciting than welcoming a new human into this world most often, people are asked, “Are you having a boy or girl?” and until now, there wasn’t a politically correct way to answer this touchy question.

A brave expectant birthing person has come forward and announced they will let their child decide their own gender.

“We will wait until zey are older for them to let us know which gender resonates,” says one of the birthing parents. “Ideally our child will try on many genders and sexualities before finding the right one. No need to conform to some arbitrary journey. We support xem in xeir journey.”

This is the way forward in parenting!

In other news,

Tucker Carlson was fired from Fox News while Don Lemon was let go from CNN. Meghan Markle parted her hair down the middle and Elon Musk handed out verifications to any celebrity who cried about their legacy blue check mark being taken away.