Celebrating My Days of Boyhood

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I began this Boyhood Journey nearly one week ago. Inspired by Dylan Mulvaney who is literally everywhere, even on beer cans, I created a journey of my own.

Surely if Dylan can earn one million dollars from these brands as a woman, wouldn’t the same brands be eager to extend a partnership in the reverse situation?

  • Aritzia
  • CeraVe
  • Crest
  • Haus Labs
  • Instacart
  • K18 Hair
  • Kate Spade
  • KIND Snacks
  • KitchenAid
  • Ole Henriksen
  • Rent the Runway
  • Ulta Beauty
  • Tampax
  • Nike Woman
  • Budlight

Sick of being a woman and exhausted by the demands placed upon me daily from being thin, pretty, smart, and having it all together, I decided to identify as a male.

For over a year, I have been looking for a writing job but had zero luck. Is it because I’m a woman? Am I not edgy enough? Is it because I’m middle-aged?

Trying to answer these questions landed me in my current DAYS OF BOYHOOD. If I identify as a young man, shouldn’t there be endless job opportunities? It’s a fact that men are hired more than women. And if I identified as a younger man, my odds should be boosted even higher.

With a new identity in place, I sent my kids to live with their father and his boyfriend and bought an entire arsenal of guy-related stuff.

In my new Guy Closet, I have new power tools, Axe body sprays, an entire set of Jackass DVDs, lawn care products, new electronics, aftershave, an electric razor for my beard hair, Liquid Ass spray for practical jokes, Doritos because men like junk food, jock straps, athlete’s foot powder, sports stuff including baseball cards and a football helmet. I also purchased something called “snuff” because my brother-in-law said I needed it to become a real man.

With my new identity and gender firmly in place, I am going to sit back and let the sponsorship offers pour in like a waterfall of cash.

Soon, I will have Days of Boyhood merch, that’s what the kids call merchandise these days, and you will be able to buy my memoir about growing up as a girl and then doing an about-face into boyhood.

Outside my home, you will find a trans flag proudly blowing in the wind. Our HOA made me remove my oversized Pride flag, but no one can take away my boyhood. Now excuse me while I sit by my phone and wait for BudLight to call.

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