Let Me Break It Down For You, The Scandoval

From the New York Post. Front page news, this is IMPORTANT.

By now you may have witnessed a loved one or someone you know become deeply entrenched by what we have termed, the #Scandoval.

“Who the hell are these people? What is this?” you may ask after seeing this fiasco become a trending topic on Twitter and blasted all over Instagram.

As one victim of this reality television emotional roller coaster that has grabbed my heart with a bloody fist and twisted it, I needed to break this down so you might understand.

Be aware that you are going to be exposed to this repeatedly over the next few weeks. Little nuggets keep dropping about the affair and its uniting the country and healing wounds as about 99% of all viewers agree that Tom and Rachel are terrible people who have hurt many in the wake of this entanglement.

Brief recap:

There is a reality show called VanderPump Rules which mainly takes place at a restaurant in West Hollywood called SUR.

This cast of people (hostesses, servers, bartenders) has dated each other, cheated on each other, gotten in fights, become engaged, called off the engagement, gotten married and then divorced, and on and on. The crux of the show is not about the restaurant but about the folks who work there.

Side note: much of the earlier seasons took place near a dumpster in the alley behind SUR where servers would smoke, cry, and fight.

With that out of the way, let’s focus on the main players:

This is the piece of shit around whom this scandal aka Scandoval, centers on. Tom Sandoval is an OG cast member and bartender.

He dated a girl named Kristen and cheated on her with Ariana.

This is Ariana

Ariana and Tom have been together for nearly ten years. Everyone likes Ariana and has kind things to say about her and collectively the entire viewing population of Bravo TV has rallied around her.

We recently found out that Tom cheated on Ariana with Raquel, a beauty pageant girl whose real name is Rachel. We will now call her Rachel.

She sold feet pics to get money for a nose job.

She’s frequently noted that she wants to work with disabled children. Maybe she’s practicing on Tom?

This girl has created a sweet, innocent persona who we all felt bad for because she was with this self-centered, self-proclaimed “White Kanye” named James Kennedy. He is a DJ.

James and Raquel were engaged at one point and Tom helped James pay for an elaborate engagement party.

James and Rachel broke up last year and at some point, Rachel and Tom developed feelings for each other and apparently began wearing matching lightning bolt necklaces, not seen below, but seen in other photos.

No one had a clue.

Many suspect that Tom’s best friend, Tom Schwartz (below), knew something about this whole thing and covered for him. Tom Schwartz pretended to be interested in Rachel but now we know this was a decoy because Rachel was having an affair with Tom the cheater.

This whole sordid thing has been going on for seven months and Ariana just found out accidentally when she saw racy texts and videos on Tom’s phone.

What makes this even worse is that Rachel and Ariana were close friends. Talk about stabbing your friend in the back!

Tom dressed as Rachel for Halloween. Note: lightning bolt. Maybe if your boyfriend or husband dresses up as your close friend, it is worth doing a little research to see if something unsavory is brewing.

Anyhoo, that is the short version of this scandal aka, #Scandoval and I hope it clears up any confusion.