Currently Seeking Employment

It’s no secret that I have been seeking employment. During the beginning stages of the pandemic (remember, it’s still not over, folx!) I lost my job at a lab working on a top-secret vaccine that couldn’t get FDA approval, and now I’m looking for work again.

It’s taken many months to feel mentally strong and now I’ve regained my emotional equilibrium. Whilst looking for jobs, I have requirements and standards that must be maintained.

I’d like:

Pride Jersey Fridays, where employees are encouraged to wear LGBTQ2S+ jerseys.

The opportunity to take up to 5 days off per year for the chance to sit home and think about my privilege.

Any in-office entertainment must be from liberal comedians, musicians, spoken word poets, or actors with proven allegiance to the Democratic party.

An environment that offers Safe Spaces.

Black Lives Matter flags or indications they support this charity.

Gender Neutral Bathrooms without locks, which symbolize slavery.

Pronoun Badges for all who identify as human.

Support for those who chose to Take a Knee during the workday.

The company must subscribe to Cancel Culture, meaning any speakers, brands, or coworkers who display Wrong Think will be eliminated immediately.

At any point in time, the company will encourage me to dig up old social media posts from coworkers and bring them to HR to complain about something they said up to ten years ago.

To work for a company that actively supports Critical Race Theory.

The ability to bring an Emotional Support Animal to work, regardless of the animal’s species.

Ideally, the company for whom I work will offer free gourmet lunches daily comprising Gluten-Free, Vegan, Keto, Paleo, Pescatarian, etc options.

In today’s culture, open-minded companies should not be difficult to find. I look forward to going into the job force again! With my Emotional Support Peacock by my side, of course.