An Update on the Delay in Arizona

A blind raccoon using an abacus has been counting votes in Arizona. In order to include all votes, he must be permitted to take his time and he requires frequent snack breaks.

Note: he is partial to cotton candy.

The raccoon also wore long acrylic nails which slowed down the counting process.


The raccoon had to leave, so counting is now being done by Ethel, a ninety-year-old woman who is blind in one eye and has never used a computer before.

We are anticipating all counting will be completed by early 2023, 2024 at the latest. Kari Lake could not be reached for comment.