I’m Running for Office

I think it’s pretty clear that our democracy almost died last night. The strong Blue Tsunami turned out to be a weak trickle in Florida. We need to come together now more than ever and launch a campaign to turn Florida into a liberal utopia like California and New York City!

Imagine tent cities for miles, free-range defecation, and soaring crime thanks to the liberation of oppressed individuals. I can hardly wait to start planning my political goals. Rest assured, I will be open to working on climate change by making crickets available to every low income family.

In order to be taken seriously by my peers, I have changed my look. The new face offers broad appeal, much like John Fetterman. This look says, “I work for you, the people!”

Remember, a vote for Dr. Faushay is a vote for Liberal Wokeness.